Things that are going through my mind today:
What if I make the right decision for the wrong reason?
What if I make the wrong decision for the right reason?
How do I balance my list of 'pros' to another's list of 'cons'?
When is a promise too much to bear?
Is a zero-sum game fair?
Is it really even zero-sum; can it be a negative-sum?
I'm not looking for answers (but they're welcomed) just giving insight.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
well, I think I wouldn't make any move in a state of indecision.
I've tried to really meditate on my vows lately, since we've been having problems. "for better or for worse" wasn't that ambiguous, and I'm grateful for my husband being loyal and faithful when the "for worse" was all my doing and he stood by my side.
The list of pros and cons. Well that's a tough game to play. You can have one pro that outweighs a list of cons a mile long, so it's all in the eyes of the beholder.
How long have you felt the "thousand injuries" are now unbearable? a year? two years? the whole marriage?
Has counseling been sought?
Does she share your sentiments?
You are heavy on my heart today, Dave. Praying for you.
Please, please, please, seek counseling. You really have no idea what you're missing.
I will bet you money that she believes, just as strongly as you do, that she has given 100% and you have given nothing. It's odd how you can both believe exactly the same thing about the other person when in reality, neither one is true.
There is a saying in police work which tends to be true in society in general: "In any argument, there are always three sides. Your side, my side, and the truth." In essence, the truth generally lies somewhere between your story and her story.
Why? Why isn't one of you completely right? The answer is quite simply perception. We all come to the game with our own colored glasses. And not all glasses are rose-colored either. Our baggage, emotional and otherwise, that we drag along with us also influences our perception. So while you may both believe the same things, you may both be wrong.
Counseling can help you to both realize your own baggage and tailor your conversations with each other to compensate for that. In this way, she'll be able to communicate with you in a way you'll understand, and vice versa. Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Same concept. Counseling can help you do that.
But ultimately, the decision is yours. And if you do come to the conclusion that separation is your only option, please consider a six-month trial separation with mandatory counseling. If you can't bring yourself to, or you can't convince her to, go to counseling, force the issue. But understand that you're doing that so you can save your marriage. Not so that you've got a convenient excuse to leave with no strings (i.e. I tried counseling and it just didn't help). You have to go into counseling with a firm belief that you want to try to save your marriage. Otherwise you're doomed to fail right from the start. If I could give you any other suggestion beyond seeking counseling, it would be to resolve to fixing your marriage rather than throwing it away.
Good luck, we who have deities are praying for you to said deity(s).
--translation: you're in our prayers.
Post a Comment