The dictionary defines 'weird' as:
adjective
suggesting something supernatural; uncanny : the weird crying of a seal.
• informal very strange; bizarre : a weird coincidence | all sorts of weird and wonderful characters.
• archaic connected with fate.
I define 'weird' as:
noun
The state a vital organ or system enters precisely 5 minutes before death.
Examples of weird things might be heartbeats, eye twitches, feeling cold, feeling hot, feeling happy, sad, anxious, calm, or really, any feeling whatsoever that you happen to 'notice' at that moment.
Its really inconcequential what you're 'noticing'. Its much more important that it was noticed because, as we all know, any new sensation equals impending doom. Even, oddly enough, feelings of impending doom equal impending doom (a heart attack).
As quickly as I felt the heartbeat it was gone. I freaked a little bit and it all came in. I went from (alleged) odd heartbeat to who will raise my son in a matter of 5 minutes.
I was able to meditate this morning and that seemed to at least slow down the what-if stuff. We'll see how it goes from here on out.
3 comments:
Hmmm.. you and I must have the same dictionary.
It's really a shame that you blog mostly when you're having an "episode". Otherwise, I would wish that you'd write something every day. LOL
Hi Dave
I just sat for a few hours and read your entire blog and man i gotta tell ya - you are absolutley hillarious!!
I know this is meant for comments but i feel i have to write you. I too am 31 and grew up with irrational fears of nuclear bombs and all that crap. And for the past 14 years or so have been dealing with panic and hypochondriac attacks.
I have had heart attacks, brain tumors, AIDS, lymphoma etc etc...but for the past 2 years i have been CONVINCED that i am going to suffer a massive heart attack at any moment. Even after my DR ran tests and says i am fine.
Still it has ruined my life to a degree...the fear keeps me from doing things...like when my buddies want to go to Atlantic City to party...i cant take the 4 hour drive from NY out of fear i will DIE....it sucks...and i feel it gets worse...constant horror to say the least.
Then the other night i am trolling around Walmart and spot one of those blood pressure machines...so i say what the hell and stick my arm in the machine and it takes my BP. Mind you i was walking fast through the store, smoked a few cigs before going into the store and was nervous to begin with. Anyway the reading was 156/86...so i freaked!!!!
I called my girlfriend who told me to relax...haha..so i took it again...now it was at 145/90...and then again 139/86...
So i finally made an appointment to see my DR on Wednesday...i gotta tell ya man i am scared shitless that he is going to tell me my constant worrying caused high blood pressure, an enlarged heart and i am at high risk of a heart attack...i can almost see him telling me...funny thing is i have low cholestorol, not over weight and no family history of heart problems...though i do smoke and eat poorly.LOL
Anyway i want to tell you that in the past few days you are the only person who has made me laugh and feel a lot better...though i am still shitting in my pants.
Kepp your blog going...you DO help people!
Brooks
BrooksHorsman@gmail.com
=)
Hi again! I'm just reading this post and wanted to say something that helps me. Whenever I am nervous about my health or something, the only thing to truly put my fears to rest is being educated.
So I will pass on some of what I know about irregular heartbeats (or awareness of heartbeat). Not sure if this will apply to you but maybe it will help someone out there.
I have a condition called Supraventricular Tachycardia. It's actually not related to the heart itself but to the electrical system of the heart. There is no risk of early death or decrepitude, thank goodness. My doctor eloquently said "a healthy heart can dance as well as walk." So my heart dances sometimes.
To make it go away, I have to "bear down" like I am having a baby or (even uglier analogy) going to the bathroom. This stimulates the vagal nerve somehow which (somehow) stops the extra beats. Laying on my back with my knees up really helps when bearing down.
I also have to avoid caffeine which is even found in chocolate and some headache medicines. Other things can trigger it too like not drinking enough water, being overheated, being tired, or flopping down on the couch - sudden blood pressure change.
The best test to see if you're at risk for a heart attack is to see if the arteries are clogged - you have to get a stress test. The reason that heart attacks are often called silent killers is because there are often no symptoms.
Those that do have symptoms often can not tell they are heart-related.
Women will often have nausea that will even sometimes respond to heartburn medicine.
Sharp stabbing pain is common - it's not heart-related if changing positions makes it better or if it goes away when you move around.
Regardless of all this other stuff though, I am like you in that when I am anxious I can't calm myself down easily. I wish I could fly through the air and become one with the universe and resort to yoga or meditation but I'm not very good at that.
What does help is distraction. If I read something engaging, that helps.
I'm working on the other parts. I'll stay tuned, if you find a relaxation technique that works, let me know! I would love to see a post that listed what you enjoyed doing, what do you find fun or have as a hobby?
Post a Comment