Did a lot more talking yesterday. It felt...numb. Like I couldn't care enough to...care. I know that's not the case. At least, I hope its not. I still deeply care for her. In a way that I'll never be able to care for another person. But at some point I've had to detach myself.

Maybe its a defense mechanism, maybe its what happens when you get "cold", maybe its just who I am. I want so much to believe that we can work it out but the same part of me that turns on to prevent a panic attack or gets me out of thinking I have a swollen ear lobe has "clicked on".

I think meditation and just plain old soul searching has given me at least a small ability to be rational when I normally wouldn't be. But , I guess, the question is, "Is this really the time to be rational?".

Maybe in matters of the heart you should be purely emotional. Purely emotional Dave would be running through a field of daisies toward my wife with a sappy Rod Stewart (yes, Rod Stewart) song playing. Rational Dave is running the other way. Rational Dave is leaving his wife of 12 years. The woman he's known in some form or another for a full two thirds of his life.

Rational Dave may be an ass but right now he has control. We'll see where he takes us.

P.S. The entire last sentence was typed by Felicitous Dave. Rational Dave's hours are between 3PM and 9PM EST. Duplicitous Dave and Vivacious Dave may also be reached at this location.