I belted out an entire record of Pearl Jam's today. Not the sort of tap your feet, hum along, whistely belt-out. We're talking full-on rock star, "Alright Cleveland, are you ready to rock!?" belting. It was cathartic.
Today felt better. Not good, better. Friday will be one week since I've left. One week of feeling guilty, of having conversations I didn't want to have, of not seeing my son every day, of not...having a purpose.
But today, I had a purpose. Things happened today, for whatever reason, that have reaffirmed my belief that I made the right choice for me, and for my family. On the surface that is a self-serving statement. One that makes me feel better about myself, about the choices I made, and the people I hurt. But I also believe its a truth. That, over time, my family will be happy, even if not living in the same house.
12 years ago I made a commitment to my wife. To love, honor, cherish, take out the trash, feed the dogs, and water the lawn. I think I can honor those commitments. Maybe not in a traditional way, but in a more sincere way. In a way that lets me be me. An Eddie Vedder in training.
Lives opened and trashed...
look ma, watch me crash...
No time to question...whyd nothing last...
Grasp and hold on...hold tight and fast...
Soon be over...and I will relent...
Let the ocean swell, dissolve way my past
Three days, and maybe longer, wont even know Ive left
Let the sun climb, oh, burn way my mask
Three days, and maybe longer, shed my skin at last...
-Pearl Jam
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