Seeing someone else go through the same problems you do is hard. The obvious reason is that if you care about someone, you don't want them to suffer like you do/did. But there's more to it than that.
I think seeing how difficult it is for others to overcome problems shines a light on just how tenuous your grasp is on 'sanity', whatever that is.
It causes you (me) to constantly re-evaluate my control of the situation. "Am I really getting better?", "What if I really am sick and I'm just lying to myself". This is very unfortunate for a person such as myself who already struggles on a daily basis with 'normality', but the added stress of watching someone else go through it just reinforces the idea that I may never get 'better'. That I may only be able to exist.
Of course recently, I've started realizing that maybe that's really all there is to live. To just exist. To just be. To allow things to happen and realize that you cannot control them and that's OK. Telling an obsessive person like myself to just 'be' is like telling a fish not to swim.
My obsessions are really all I've ever known and giving them up doesn't come easy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment