This was the query someone entered that somehow got them to my site. Normally, I get hits either from the name of the blog (apparently there isn't much information on spleen issues, cause I'm a top hit) or from Katie Kouric. Not the woman herself, but from an article in which I extol the virtues of seeing her colon at least 3 times a year on national television. But, I digress.
How to deal with a hypochondriac. This is touchy. First, you have to understand how a hypochondriac thinks. I think I've outlined this before. There's a thought process that consists of:
1.) My thumb hurts
2.) I have bone cancer
Its a simple process really. The fact is, the thumb really did hurt. Probably because you hit it with a hammer or slammed a door on it. This information, however, is inconsequential. Pain = cancer (or aneurysm, heart attack, beri beri, you get the idea).
So my first advice is to mot try to understand it. If you are not one of us, you can't. Your brain is normal. So, do not attempt to allay fears by saying things like "That's crazy". Because, that is obvious. Try something like "you should see a doctor about that". It sounds counterintuitive because you know there's nothing wrong but nothing shakes us more than someone calling our bluff.
Second. Be understanding but firm. My wife taught me this. Instead of playing to the fears be logical. This is different than tip #1. What I mean by firm is to not allow us to drag on or wine about problems. Either you're in eminent danger of death or you're not. If you aren't don't be willing to sit and listen to a litany of problems.
There is a corollary to tip #2 though. That is, to be willing to listen to WHY they (we) believe what we do. I don't mean crazy symptoms like your ears being different sized or your pinky toe is red. I mean things like "I saw a report on TV" or "I have a friend that was diagnosed with a disease and now I think I have it". These aren't as illogical as it seems. And you risk losing the person you're dealing with's willingness to talk to you.
Lastly, treat it with some humor. Don't laugh at them for being a dork. But try to throw in a little humor now and then. It helps people like me realize that we need to laugh a little.
Hope that helps. Now, if someone out there would please apply these to me, it would be greatly appreciated.
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6 comments:
Thanks for the advice. I have a friend that I am certain is a hypochondriac. I so want to shake him out of it.This I know will not help. Every time we talk its an hour or so ordeal of how he is dying and prob wont make itt through the night . In the last year he has or what he believes he has, rotten teeth,bone cancer,stomach cancer,lung cancer,a tumor in his throat so he hasnt eatin in days ,insomnia,although he has gained about 60 pounds in the last year among a numerous amout of other death deemed illnesess. I love my friend very much but I find it very hard to call him anymore due to the fact I know i'll spend an hour on the phone listening to him ach and moan and how he is going to be dead by nights end. He is only 52 but acts as though he is 90. He has so much life left in front of him and I'm worried he will never get to enjoy it. I'ts funny how some days he seems to be fine all is well .He acts like a normal person . Then 24 hrs later he is on his death bed. I'll try to deal with him and be paitent. Thank you for the info provided,I hope it helps. Please E-mail me if there is anything other info you can give to help me out. Jhagen69@hotmail.com
Thanks again
Jimmy
I think my mother is a hypochondriac. She monopolizes conversations about her ailments and calls me only to complain about pain or coughing and she looks up diseases on the internet, trying to self-diagnose herself. She's only fifty four but she asks like she's on her death bed all the time, and I can't tell when she is faking it or not.
What the hell should I do?! As her daughter, I feel so guilty for suspecting her of this but I get tired of listening to her complain about everything. She has a nice house and she has friends but some days she will seriously just lay in bed and sleep. I urge her to talk to someone and she tells me she does but I don't think she does it enough to make a difference.
What is the appropriate response to her condition from me, her daughter? Is there even a psych medication that helps with hypochondria?
This is exactly how I deal with my wife. Reassure her it's probably nothing, point out her past concerns that turned out to be nothing and if it still worries her to see a doctor. This usually works for a few months, but comes back with another ailment sooner or later. I worry that she's going to come down with something serious and I'm going to ignore it as nothing. The last ailment (lump in armpit that was most definitely cancer but turned out to be an ingrown hair), finally convinced her to get psychological help. Hope this helps.
It's definately a hard thing to deal with for both partners. My wife has been in the hospital more times in one month than I have in my entire life. Be patient. Be caring. The boy who cried wolf always seems to run through my mind whenever my wife gets a new "cancer" or some other disease the doctors seem to shrug off. It had gotten to the point where the one time she actually had something wrong I didn't believe her. She ended up taking a cab to the hospital and rushed into surgery for an emergency appendicitis removal. Don't let this happen to you. It's stressful I know. Never knowing when your loved one is sick or not. But please remember that it's not their fault and at some point in the middle of their false alarms something real might show itself. Now I try to reason with her and if she is still sure she has something then I just ship her off to wait in emergency for 6+ hours. You can't always support this but you do need to support them.
im single and one of the main things im looking for in a boyfriend is a calm, self-assured demeanor. because i know im constantly in need for someone to inject some common sense into my overactive paranoid imagination. hypochondriasis can be so incredibly disabling.
My husband has developed this over the past two years and i am at the end of my rope..it all started when i had a bump on my neck that he made me go to the Dr. to get checked out..(it was an emergancy care place)before getting the results back from my blood test they threw the word cance out there like it was nothing..so to make a long story short it was a false alarm..but ever since then he has had a number of illnesses that he swares he is dying...we have been in and out of the hosptial so many times (keep in mind we dont have insurance either)and they have never found anything wrong with him..but if you ask him they are wrong and dont know what they are talking about...i love my husband but like so many other blogs that i read,when there is something really wrong with him i will not beleave him..it is really putting a strain on are marriage as well..i have no idea how to bring this up to him in a proper way..if anybody is out there please help me..before i loose it..
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