We went out of town this weekend. Back to my old stomping grounds to see some friends and just hang out. Seems like that should have been a nice relaxing weekend. Yeah...not so much.
Everything was great Friday night. We had dinner and drinks and sat around and talked and everything was cool. Then right after breakfast Saturday morning I started to get the feeling like things aren't right.
This is a feeling I can't explain its like I know everything is cool but I know its not going to be. I guess you'd call that anxiety. Its like that feeling you get before taking a test. The rest of the day I just sort of struggled to maintain a positive outlook on things. Not so easy.
A funny story (funny sad). At some point during the day I got up to go to the bathroom. I swear I had this feeling like my arms weren't connected. Not that they were numb or that I couldn't control them. I just could have sworn that I was watching someone else's arms move around. Yes, its crazy. Yes, I need help.
Anyway, on Sunday things were better. I went for a really long bike ride, a personal best. I even blew by this guy who looked like he could have been a pro. That was an excellent feeling. Then we went to the grocery store and I decided to check my blood pressure (this is hours later).
That didn't work out well at all. It didn't register well at all. In fact it was a personal best (worst?). I took it immediately again and it was fine. Of course, this ignited a panic. It's depressing that something as small as one bad reading (true or not) could destroy months of feeling good.
I went home and checked it and it was bad. Checked again it was OK. More checking, a vain attempt at sleeping, more checking. Ad absurdum ad nauseum.
I don't know what sparked all of this. I haven't been meditating on a regular schedule in the last few days. Plus, the last major freak out episode was when I traveled at Christmas. I hope I don't develop some sort of travel phobia.
Sorry this ain't funny. I'm sure I'll get something out of this at some point.
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