I was schooled on the fact that I had been derelict in my duties as a reciprocal commenter on others' blogs. So, to your quid pro quo I say, "mea culpa". I immediately went comment crazy on some blogs and the karma kicked in yesterday. Anywho.
This weekend was a little rough. The parents came in and stayed at the house with the wife. This is awkward to say the least. My mom has been great but is obviously troubled by all this. She's never been a touchy feely person but all weekend she would put her hand on on me or squeeze a shoulder, rub my cheek, or something. On a somewhat related note, I had another conversation with the wife. Nothing new to report. After our talk I hugged her and she just cried for a while.
I say these are related because I noticed an odd thing with both of them. I felt cold. There was no emotion other than the empathy you have when you see someone hurting. And, in both cases, I wanted to run. I couldn't stand the contact from my mother and I kept waiting for the hug to end with the wife.
This is not like me. I'm an affectionate person, usually. I'm sure there's some root cause to this. Maybe I'm not dealing with some issue and the contact is bringing that up and I'm panicking. I'm more than a little worried that I'll come off as cold for saying these things in public but, in reality I feel cold. And I believe in calling a spade a spade.
Right now, I'm a spade.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Alright D. You are duely forgiven for your lack of comment love. Keep up the good work, pal. ;)
I've totally been where you are. The "cold" feeling. Like, "yeah, I just have no response." It eventually passes. I think it's a defense mechanism, don't you think?
And-this is YOUR blog, and YOUR space to find catharsis. We are entitled to feel what we feel.
Essentially, we find comfort in the human condition, and we want to know we aren't alone in what we are going through. That's why we try to connect. That's why I do, at least.
You aren't alone.
I would also like to mention that since my name has been mentioned in a blog post title, that I feel certifiably famous.
*takes a bow
I really feel for you, what you are going through is not easy. Been there myself. I remember so clearly the pain of making someone else hurt, not so much hurting myself. I think by the time you finally leave you have already grieved alot and once you make the decision you kind of have to disconnect from the people involved or you would cave in just to feel better because they are sad and you are responsible. I made my husband cry in the end, a person who never cried. That was very hard. But I truly beleive we are both happier now. (15 years later). We are friendly and live close for the kids. Just stay as close to your boy as you can, it will be easier for him. Take care.
Sheesh, this whole comment thing is confusing, I posted to last one and didn't see my comment so I commented again to this post. I started reading you because of your hypo postings, funny stuff, I can relate to that too(unfortunately).
Roll with it, bro. It's ok to feel like that. It's your mind's way of saying that it's dealing with enough right now. Your mom's hugs were hard because you're trying to process what's inside your head and you need space to do that. That's ok.
Post a Comment