Bring on the pain

I have the week off so I took the opportunity to stay with my son today. I also took the opportunity to respond to a letter my wife had written me. It was essentially a list of things she had 'failed' to do in our marriage. She had gift wrapped it and given it to me on Christmas eve. All along (this past month) I've been operating under the guise that I could provide her some normalcy during the holidays by not making too many changes.

I've tried to insulate her from my comings and goings, moving into the apartment, address changes, etc. I would also show up every morning to take my son to school. The idea being her schedule wouldn't have to change and neither would his. However, I'm thinking all this was a mistake. I won't bother giving details as to why I think this but, obviously, I was giving mixed signals.

That ended today. When I responded I laid things out very clearly that I was moving forward with the separation, that we should both get lawyers, how I wanted to work the finances, my prefered schedule with my son, etc. This was all in the hopes that she would get the picture. I'm so afraid of being hurtful and ruining our ability to be 'friendly if not friends' in front of our son, that I may have gone too far the other way.

I have an appointment with a lawyer in the morning. I will be as honest about everything as I can in hopes that she will better represent me. I asked the wife that she consider the fact that she knows what I make, and what I'm able to give, and that she chooses a past which is least costly in both financial and emotional terms.

I hope she does...

I hesitate to write this but, I need to tell someone. It also appears that my doctor called the house and left a message that one of the dosages of my medication needs to be changed based on the recent visit. I have it on pretty good authority that she purposefully didn't give me this message in an effort to...teach me a lesson, I guess.

In a way its completely forgivable because she's hurting and we don't make clear decisions when we hurt. But, this isn't a car payment or a message from a friend. This is a medical issue. She doesn't know what I take or why I take it and, as far as she knows, this is something to control my blood pressure or who knows what. Not to mention the fact that of all my 'issues' my health is by far the largest concern I have. To use that against me, in any way, no matter how small, seems unforgivable.

On that point, and I hope you'll understand this, I'd rather not receive any comments. I'm fully aware of the gambit of responses that could be given and I don't want to assign malice where there is none. I just needed to get it out there.

Thanks for listening.