It finally sunk in today. The people I'm staying with said I can only stay another week. This, in and of itself, is no problem. I completely understand that you don't want a guy living in your guest room for weeks on end. The hard part is that I have nowhere to go.
Not in the sense that I'll sleep on the street or can't afford an apartment, that's not the case at all. I have plenty of friends and enough money. No, I mean that at this point in my life, I have no home. This was expected, of course. I knew on some level i'd have to get my own place and move stuff and do all the things grown ups do when they make grown up decisions.
Its just that all at once I became fully aware of the gravity of the situation. I think somehow this past week has been like a slumber party. Just hanging out with friends, laughing, watching TV, eating, whatever. At some point though, I have to be alone with my thoughts, with my actions, and with the repercussions. That's a daunting thought.
I think I've lined up a room mate which will be helpful but in a way I think that's just a way to keep from having to be alone. Maybe I'll find my own place. Maybe it would be good to be alone for a while. I'm not even sure I know who I am at this point. Maybe I can find myself in a 1 bedroom efficiency overlooking a parking lot.
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3 comments:
Dave:
If you can afford to live alone, I think that would be the best option. It would be therapeutic to live by yourself during such a tumultuous time in your life.
You cited your wife’s unwillingness, or lack of desire, to grow as a person as a reason for the separation; if personal growth truly is important to you, living by yourself and facing your thoughts is definitely a step in that direction.
what part of the states are you from, dave?
Theoretically I could afford to live by myself. However I might not be able to afford the proverbial pot to pee in if I did and allow the family to keep up their standard of living. I'd rather have a room mate and let them have the money.
And, I'm from the "Southern" States to be inexact. A guy has to keep his secret identity...um...secret.
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