State of the onion

Not much to report. On the marital front, the only thing to report is that there appears to be a small custody battle brewing. I say small because, in my eyes, we are only disagreeing about one visit per week and one overnight stay. Everything else is in total agreement. Basically I want to be able to see him one extra night, even though I'd have him home for bed. And I'd like to keep him Sunday night so I can take him to school on Monday.

This is apparently out of the question. She has decided that she's the "primary caregiver" and that somehow I was an absentee father so it would be disruptive to his schedule for him to be "shuffled around" so much. I don't know... I think that's a weak argument. I've told her I won't accept that schedule and asked that she please be considerate of everyone.

She made a comment that both caught me off guard and seemed to sum up our whole relationship. She said that the "root of our problem was that she was unhappy when I wasn't around". Taken in context this means that I was never around so she was always unhappy which is what led to my being unhappy (if you follow that bit of circular logic). Taken in another context, she thinks the root of our problems is my perception of her unhappiness with me. Or, said another way, that I was unhappy she wanted me at home.

I was both surprised and 'comforted' by this. I was surprised because I thought I had laid out my case so clearly over the last few months of the myriad reasons I was unhappy and wanted out. Apparently it has boiled down to "I want to party with my friends and you won't let me". Its comforting because every time I see this kind of unwillingness to understand I'm reminded of why I left and that it was a good decision.

The problem here is that she will tell her lawyer who will tell a judge that I'm an absentee father. This, being the 'grand ole south' is dubious, to say the least, of giving joint custody. At best they grant 50% visitation. I've toyed with the idea of 'reminding' her that I have just as much right to my son, our house, and our 'stuff' as she does but that I've chosen, for their sake, to essentially live in poverty. I could just as easily file for full custody as she could.

Now I'm bitching... The reality is, I don't think it will get ugly but its not working out as I'd hoped. Maybe I gave her too much credit, maybe I gave myself too much credit. We are what we are and, at the core of things, we're two people who couldn't get along in marriage. Why did I expect to start now?