The British need spell check

I'm trying to understand why I have good days and bad. As I've stated countless times, I go months without even the slightest (OK, maybe the slightest (OK, its more than slight but less than nuclear explosion)) episode of "symptoms" or worry. Then, all of a sudden, I'll have a complete break down. I've theorized in the past that it was a build-up over time. That I wasn't truly dealing with the problems simply masking them or ignoring them.

This is where the meditation came in. I don't do it as much as I used to but I try to do at least 20 minutes a week. Its way down from the 70 or so a week I was doing but it still is helpful.

I've also stopped taking my blood pressure. I like to tell myself that its because my last visit was good and I don't need to check it so much. In reality, I'm still afraid to. I think I'm afraid that I'll invalidate th results at the doctor's office.

That is the sign of crazy right there. I used to be afraid to go to the doctor's office cause I know my BP would be bad. Now I'm afraid to take it at home because it WASN'T bad at the doctor's office.

All of this is generally lowing my "generalized anxiety" or as the British say "Generalised Anxiety". It seems that its common. The GAD article at this site says this:

The severity of symptoms tends to 'wax and wane' with some good spells, and some not so good spells. Symptoms may 'flare up' and become worse for a while during periods of major life stresses. For example, if you lose your job, or split up with your partner.

This sounds more like VD than anxiety (with the exception of the burning pee). They also say this:

People with GAD are more likely than average to smoke heavily, drink too much alcohol, and take street drugs. Each of these things may ease anxiety symptoms in the short-term. However, addiction to nicotine, alcohol or drugs makes things worse in the long-term, and can greatly affect your general health and wellbeing.

Wonderful. So anxiety not only leads to "flare-ups" but at some point I will be a crack whore with lung cancer.

In reality, I think I'm getting better. I'm sure the Zoloft has something to do with it but, in general, I feel good. The bad times aren't so bad and the good times are really really good. I think that's all I can hope for.