I haven't written anything in a while. Not certain why. I had an interesting conversation yesterday that had me doing some thinking. I was asked what I thought of marriage vows now. Here's my response:
Currently it seems like a zero-sum game, though. My happiness equals someone else's unhappiness.
I like to think that at some point that will change and we'll both be happy. I also like to think I'm 6'2" with blond hair and blue eyes...
Sorry for the incoherence of this post. Too much wine and not enough sleep will do that to you.
"as a promise. one that might implicitly be broken forcing the other to 'explicitly' break it...i don't believe its some magical words that should never be undone no matter what. its not a magical incantation"It seems like a cop-out when I read it again. Its like saying it was her fault I left. Its the 'devil made me do it' defense. I'm not a fan of that. That comment lead to this comment (I'm in blue):
I'm just wrestling with how easily people divorce these days...you know?Maybe for some people its easy to divorce. You see it all the time in the news. Somebody has a baby, gets married, then splits up 6 months later because...who knows why. I think for the common person divorce is extremely difficult and not a decision taken lightly. The only thing 'easy' about divorce, at least for me, is knowing that I made a choice to be happy.
that's a misconception
it's like, why get married if there is even the option to divorce?
marriage is incredibly easy. buy a $10 license and find a JOP
divorce (at least here) takes at least a year, lawyers, crying, disappointment, arguments, disdain from friends and loved ones, and metric shit tons of guilt that will most likely last longer than the marriage has
Currently it seems like a zero-sum game, though. My happiness equals someone else's unhappiness.
I like to think that at some point that will change and we'll both be happy. I also like to think I'm 6'2" with blond hair and blue eyes...
Sorry for the incoherence of this post. Too much wine and not enough sleep will do that to you.
3 comments:
There are never any easy answers. Only multitudes of hard questions. Kudos to you for even taking the time to think about them. You're ahead of the game, b/c the masses tend to sweep it under the rug. ;)
Not a true statement "my happiness = someone else's unhappiness" unless you are, say, a psychopath and physically holding them prisoner and are delighted about it.
Nobody can make anyone else happy or unhappy. We all choose everyday whether we are going to be happy or how we react to other people or situations. It's all our own doing.
Having said that...one of my favorite quotes: "No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever." Francois Mauriac
Doesn't say anything about happiness, but does speak to the fact that we're all impressionable.
Ok enough crap...I'm going to go have my brain aneurysm now.
…do you mean you're NOT 6'2" with blond hair and blue eyes!?! Pardon me if I continue to picture you that way.
You’re very right about it being MUCH easier to married than it is to get divorced.
I thought I was completely past this, but no---oo!
Now that I’m trying to get things right in my life and get back with the church, I find out that I need to have my former marriage annulled (even though it was performed by a JP).
I’m glad my ex is already remarried and has a new baby.
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