"Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for." Lawrence BlockThings sometimes work out differently than planned. This is an obvious statement, I know. But I don't think we realize sometimes how, for lack of a better word, serendipitous life is. Life seems to be a string of interrelated yet completely discrete events that somehow bring us to where we are. Let me give you an example.
- 20 years ago I started smoking
- 10 years ago I had my first anxiety attack which landed me in the E.R. based on the idea I had some form of cancer (from smoking).
- 7 Years ago I ended up in the E.R. again. This time, because I had thought I was having a heart attack. It turns out I had pneumonia.
- 6.99 Years ago I quit smoking.
- 5 yeears ago I decided to take up jogging to undo all the damage I had done smoking
- 3 years ago I gave up running for cycling.
- 2 years ago I go serious and started spending lots of time cycling. Apparently this was the straw that broke the camel's back in my relationship.
- 1 year ago my wife and I started "discussing" on a regular basis how I was neglecting her and my son to bike. Of course I disagree but that's off topic.
- 3 months ago I left my wife.
- Today I'm sitting on the back porch of my "friend's" house typing this.
So. Can I say that had I never smoked I'd have never met my 'friend'? I'd never have taken up cycling? Like I said. These are all discrete events. Thousands of which happen every day. I've never been a subscriber to pre-destination. I firmly believe in free will and the right to choose the ending to our own mysteries.
But somehow, I can't stop thinking that my whole life has been a series of choices that have led me to this point. If that's the case. How special of a moment is this that I'm right here, right now, at this very moment, typing on this keyboard?
I know. Its sappy. But in some way, I've always tried to live my life with the idea that every decision I make in some way changes my 'destiny'.
For all I know we're just an atom waiting to be smashed in some alien particle accelerator and our whole existence is meaningless. I like to think that's not the case. I like to think this is all going somewhere. Where, I have no clue. Maybe that will be the greatest serendipity of them all.
P.S. The title of this post is only slightly obscure but extremely random...
4 comments:
okay...pleeeeeease don't take this in a way that could be construed as unsupportive, but I have some thoughts...
Perhaps the reason your wife is turning into an "evil monster" is because you are breaking a promise that was supposed to last forever and never ever be broken no matter what? I know there is NO excuse for poor behavior which she is evidently displaying frequently, but I'm sure you can put yourself in her place? You know I support you, but I'm sure you are smart enough to know how important a signed sealed covenant is?
I also think serendipity is a delicious and lovely idea, but romantic at best, and untrue at worst.
You've stated your religious persuasions previously: Christian-so I feel semi-comfortable reminding you that our choices are only as water tight as they hold up if we hold them up against to the ultimate right/truth of God's word.
It's really comfortable to overlook the fact that the reason you are with this friend is because your marriage is gone-which was supposed to be a lifelong commitment. Is there ever a point when you give up? If so, what's the point of signing a covenant and saying "I do" in the first place.
Trust me, I've gone over these questions many nights. I'm not judging, I'm just raising questions that still dance in my head.
You know I support you and am continuing to pray for the best in your life.
A quiet friend is worse that a quiet enemy, Dave. ;)
Since Lacy is already the angel sitting on your right shoulder, guess I’ll be the devil sitting on your left shoulder.
Da Debil says “Love your thinking’, man!”…”with a little more work, you could sue Philip Morris for the breakup of your marriage.”
ooooh, I've never been called an angel before. Can I have a harp and fly?
Stumbled across your blog searching for something else. Right there with ya on this one... my life has been a series of events that sometimes chose me, but mostly I THOUGHT I chose myself. And yet, I too, sit here divorced, with an adopted child, in the middle of panic attacks that started a month or so ago again wondering how the heck I got here. It felt like everything was in control at the time I made the choices so why does it feel so out of control now?
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