Funny Ha Ha

Sometimes its hard to be humorous about something that can be so time and engergy consuming. Of course I'm talking about being nuts. Usually I can keep it under control. I'll spend 20 or 30 minutes thinking I have a new disease or ailment and then I can (usually) rationalize it away. Here's how it usually works:

"Hey my right hand feels funny"



"Well it can't be the immediate death thing or I'd be dead. And it can't be the slow painful one cause my left hand feels the same way. And we all know that if the thing that's wrong is on both sides, it can't be a disease..."

Most times this is enough to keep me from going into freak out mode. Then there's weeks like the last few. Where google searches confirm what I think I have (only because I've done the same google search 1000 times before). Where the "symptom" doesn't disappear immediately after I rationalize it away.

I can always tell when its gonna be bad for an extended period. It usually happens after I have a less than spectacular visit with the Doctor. My blood pressure or cholesterol is still not where it should be blah blah blah. This sets me off into a frenzy of panic and anxiety that lasts for weeks. I spend my days to anxious to work or even get out of bed but forced to do both so I can afford the Internet access and doctor visits that fuel my problems.

These are the times its hard to be funny. When my normal sense of humor gives way to what can only be described as bi-polar. I alternate between "I'm perfectly fine" and "I could die at any minute". Its not pretty. It never has been. I'm getting better. At least, I think I am. The anxious parts aren't as bad as they used to be and the sane parts are longer.

I'm getting better. At least I think I am.