Where to start... Lots has happened since I wrote last. OK, somehow that last sentence doesn't seem grammatically correct. Lots have happened? A lot has happened since I written last? I've written. Lemme start over.
A lots has happened since I've wrotten last. Where to begin...
The Doctor Visit:
So there I was... Actually it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I started stressing about it on Friday (the appointment was on Tuesday) but then quickly let it drop. When I got there I was nervous but manageable. When he started to take my BP of course I freaked out. He says, "lets just sit here for a minute. So I did. When he took it again he said, "That's what I thought...". So, of course, I say "um...what does that mean? What was it?". To which he responds, "The first time I took it you looked like you'd seen a ghost." To which I responded, "I did and the ghost is that thing you put on my arm". He didn't find it funny.
My Butt Aneurysm:
This is a short one. I'm on my way somewhere in my car and suddenly I realize that my butt (actually my butt-back connector, you might call it a "hip") was starting to go numb. Not numb so much but almost like it was tingling. I started to freak a little bit. Then it started to feel more like a vibration. It was my cell phone...
The Migraine:
This one's a little more serious. My "friend" is a rather fit 33 year old woman. She works out daily with a trainer and could outrun me with one leg tied behind her back. But, after one of her workouts she made a comment that one of her ears was clogged up and she chocked it up to her "blood pressure being high from the workout". This is of course junk science but, god bless her, she's trying. How ever, the mere mention of the words blood pressure is enough to get me a little panicky. Then she sends me an IM about 5 minutes later saying that she's seeing spots. Like a large red pulsating blob in the middle of her vision in both eyes.
I'm starting to freak a bit more and, frankly, so is she. Then it gets bad. She starts to lose the ability to type and comprehend words. Words like "may" and "work". She forgets her ex-husbands name and where he works. I start thinking about getting her to the ER but she tells me that this has happened once before and it was ruled a migraine after a trip to the ER and a complete workup by a neurologist. At some point her fingers and toes begin to go numb and she starts slurring her words.
This is scary. She insisted that this was a migraine and, it seems, all the 'literature' (spelled G-O-O-G-L-E) seemed to agree. Then as quick as it came, it was gone. Within an hour everything was back to normal except she was having a little trouble getting words out quickly. Today, no effects whatsoever. I made her get an appointment with her doctor and he decided to send her to a neurologist. This, of course, has her somewhat upset with me because she doesn't want to go through all of this again.
Two things about this story stuck out to me. The first is how ignorant people can be of their own health. I've known for a long time that "healthy" people underestimate their risk for disease. I also know that the definition of a healthy person is one who hasn't had a thorough medical workup. What really got me was her lack of fear and panic about her situation. The other thing that got me was my fear and panic about the situation.
I wasn't afraid for her, I was just afraid. It was the same feelings and emotions I have when I'm having a "crisis" but it wasn't me and it wasn't about me. It had me using my same old tricks. Telling myself that I could just as easily get hit by a bus as get sick. Meditating. Do things to distract myself. Using all the little tricks the therapist taught me.
But this wasn't about me. It was about her.
I don't know what this means. Maybe I was scared for her and it was just how I dealt with it. Make it about me. To some extent I think I scared her into going to the doctor and, frankly, that's unfair. She wasn't scared until I scared her. I'm afraid of putting her through the same things I put my wife through. To a large extent I'm "better". But "better" is not cured. There is always the chance for a melt-down and I'm afraid to have that happen.
The Crash:
I wrecked my bike. Again. This time I don't even have a cool story. I was alone in a parking lot on a perfectly sunny day with no cars or obstructions. And I fell. I am a dork. Road rash sucks. The wound itself doesn't suck but it makes your life suck. Showers, clothes, sleeping, standing up, sitting down, everything hurts. I'm healing well but it still hurts.
So there you have it. The last few weeks of my life. I'll check back in soon. Thanks for the comments recently. I really appreciate them.
A lots has happened since I've wrotten last. Where to begin...
The Doctor Visit:
So there I was... Actually it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I started stressing about it on Friday (the appointment was on Tuesday) but then quickly let it drop. When I got there I was nervous but manageable. When he started to take my BP of course I freaked out. He says, "lets just sit here for a minute. So I did. When he took it again he said, "That's what I thought...". So, of course, I say "um...what does that mean? What was it?". To which he responds, "The first time I took it you looked like you'd seen a ghost." To which I responded, "I did and the ghost is that thing you put on my arm". He didn't find it funny.
My Butt Aneurysm:
This is a short one. I'm on my way somewhere in my car and suddenly I realize that my butt (actually my butt-back connector, you might call it a "hip") was starting to go numb. Not numb so much but almost like it was tingling. I started to freak a little bit. Then it started to feel more like a vibration. It was my cell phone...
The Migraine:
This one's a little more serious. My "friend" is a rather fit 33 year old woman. She works out daily with a trainer and could outrun me with one leg tied behind her back. But, after one of her workouts she made a comment that one of her ears was clogged up and she chocked it up to her "blood pressure being high from the workout". This is of course junk science but, god bless her, she's trying. How ever, the mere mention of the words blood pressure is enough to get me a little panicky. Then she sends me an IM about 5 minutes later saying that she's seeing spots. Like a large red pulsating blob in the middle of her vision in both eyes.
I'm starting to freak a bit more and, frankly, so is she. Then it gets bad. She starts to lose the ability to type and comprehend words. Words like "may" and "work". She forgets her ex-husbands name and where he works. I start thinking about getting her to the ER but she tells me that this has happened once before and it was ruled a migraine after a trip to the ER and a complete workup by a neurologist. At some point her fingers and toes begin to go numb and she starts slurring her words.
This is scary. She insisted that this was a migraine and, it seems, all the 'literature' (spelled G-O-O-G-L-E) seemed to agree. Then as quick as it came, it was gone. Within an hour everything was back to normal except she was having a little trouble getting words out quickly. Today, no effects whatsoever. I made her get an appointment with her doctor and he decided to send her to a neurologist. This, of course, has her somewhat upset with me because she doesn't want to go through all of this again.
Two things about this story stuck out to me. The first is how ignorant people can be of their own health. I've known for a long time that "healthy" people underestimate their risk for disease. I also know that the definition of a healthy person is one who hasn't had a thorough medical workup. What really got me was her lack of fear and panic about her situation. The other thing that got me was my fear and panic about the situation.
I wasn't afraid for her, I was just afraid. It was the same feelings and emotions I have when I'm having a "crisis" but it wasn't me and it wasn't about me. It had me using my same old tricks. Telling myself that I could just as easily get hit by a bus as get sick. Meditating. Do things to distract myself. Using all the little tricks the therapist taught me.
But this wasn't about me. It was about her.
I don't know what this means. Maybe I was scared for her and it was just how I dealt with it. Make it about me. To some extent I think I scared her into going to the doctor and, frankly, that's unfair. She wasn't scared until I scared her. I'm afraid of putting her through the same things I put my wife through. To a large extent I'm "better". But "better" is not cured. There is always the chance for a melt-down and I'm afraid to have that happen.
The Crash:
I wrecked my bike. Again. This time I don't even have a cool story. I was alone in a parking lot on a perfectly sunny day with no cars or obstructions. And I fell. I am a dork. Road rash sucks. The wound itself doesn't suck but it makes your life suck. Showers, clothes, sleeping, standing up, sitting down, everything hurts. I'm healing well but it still hurts.
So there you have it. The last few weeks of my life. I'll check back in soon. Thanks for the comments recently. I really appreciate them.
6 comments:
Dave, it's good to hear your voice again.
I can relate to your story about your friend's symptoms. They were scary enough to get anyone concerned, despite her certainty that she knew what it was. Those old "what if it's different this time" calculations go through your mind, and you think about how you'd feel if her self-assessment were wrong, and you didn't insist that she see a doctor. It's hard to let go of that, isn't it? And hard to keep it from affecting your own "health".
Loved your comment about a well person being someone who hasn't had a good physical. I do think we hypocondriacs have a much more realistic view of our own and everyone else's health, in the same way that pessimists generally have a more accurate view of things. It's just that optimism is easier to live with and probably, in the long run, healthier. Now, if I could just get that through my noisy brain and cure the "cellulitis" that's setting in from an unidentified bug bite yesterday.
Welcome back.
omg I freaked out when I read what happened to your friend. The first thing I thought was that she's having a transient ischemic attack which is a warning sign for a stroke.
New research is also showing a high correlation between migraines and cardiovascular problems (go to google, click on "news" and type "migraine and cardiovascular risk" to see recent research - skim all the ones on that page for updated info).
I think it's nice that you are examining yourself to make sure you're not turning this worry into something about you but in this case, this deserves bonafide worry.
Some people can be in denial of potential issues. It's a common misconception for people to think that being young or fit means that serious problems preclude them.
Good for you for encouraging her to see a doctor. Keep us posted. She may also want to see a cardiologist for an additional opinion, since these symptoms seem related to blood flow.
I hope all is well with your friend. I always panic when my husband has a little ache or pain, and always think the worst but it never phases him either. I try not to say anything so I don't put my fears on him. It probably wouldn't though, some people are worriers and others just arent. Aren't we the lucky ones. The cell phone thing made me laugh, I did the same type of thing a few months ago, I was walking on the beach and felt a wierd sensation on my thigh. I was having a pretty good week and my heart just sank. Then I looked down and realized it was coming from my scarf which had wrapped itself around my leg and creating the wierd sensation when I walked. I laughed out loud, but truly I was soo releived!
Hello Dave,
I am very sorry about what your friend gone through or going through.
You made me laugh by sharing your phone experience...that hilarious, thanks.
SHZ.
Self Help Zone
I just looked up TIA (transient ischemic attack) and found this:
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/tia/tia.htm
Scary! I'm glad you convinced your friend to get looked at, did she fare ok at the dr's?
I find this post interesting... I don't know how I came accross your blog, but I did. I'm actually a nursing student so I understand a lot of your physical stuff. But I find it interesting because as a person with social anxiety, I find you obsess about your physical health just as much as I do about anxiety/mental health. Seriously, it's weird to see someone else have the same sort of obession but about something completely different. Makes it all seem kinda absurd... no offense. It's like I get it and laugh at it at the same time. haha
Anywho.. I don't have a blog with blogger anymore. But I do have a Livejournal account, my nick is NakedLena.
See ya!
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