Pseudo physician, heal someone else

One of the benefits of being so 'sick' all the time is a deep knowledge of all the arcane diseases known to man. I've heard it before that the next best thing to a doctor is a hypochondriac. Who else but doctors spend all their time combing through respected medical texts (Google) looking for rare diseases and vague symptoms.

I'm not just talking about "bleeding from an orifice" type symptoms. We're talking "Is that a yellow spot on my tongue or a off white one?" can mean the difference between cholera and cancer.

At some point though, this went from a obsessive habit of searching for my own symptoms to the commenting on other's misfortunes. God help the person who, in passing, mentions they are on a new blood pressure drug for I will smite them with my encyclopedic knowledge of beta blockers. Or even worse, don't ask me to look at a bump on your arm because not only do I immediately think cancer but some rare form of cancer for which there is no cure and the death a slow and painful one.

So, my advice is this. If you want to be told you have cancer, ask me. If you want to be told what it really is, ask anyone else.