Where to start... Lots has happened since I wrote last. OK, somehow that last sentence doesn't seem grammatically correct. Lots have happened? A lot has happened since I written last? I've written. Lemme start over.
A lots has happened since I've wrotten last. Where to begin...
The Doctor Visit:
So there I was... Actually it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I started stressing about it on Friday (the appointment was on Tuesday) but then quickly let it drop. When I got there I was nervous but manageable. When he started to take my BP of course I freaked out. He says, "lets just sit here for a minute. So I did. When he took it again he said, "That's what I thought...". So, of course, I say "um...what does that mean? What was it?". To which he responds, "The first time I took it you looked like you'd seen a ghost." To which I responded, "I did and the ghost is that thing you put on my arm". He didn't find it funny.
My Butt Aneurysm:
This is a short one. I'm on my way somewhere in my car and suddenly I realize that my butt (actually my butt-back connector, you might call it a "hip") was starting to go numb. Not numb so much but almost like it was tingling. I started to freak a little bit. Then it started to feel more like a vibration. It was my cell phone...
The Migraine:
This one's a little more serious. My "friend" is a rather fit 33 year old woman. She works out daily with a trainer and could outrun me with one leg tied behind her back. But, after one of her workouts she made a comment that one of her ears was clogged up and she chocked it up to her "blood pressure being high from the workout". This is of course junk science but, god bless her, she's trying. How ever, the mere mention of the words blood pressure is enough to get me a little panicky. Then she sends me an IM about 5 minutes later saying that she's seeing spots. Like a large red pulsating blob in the middle of her vision in both eyes.
I'm starting to freak a bit more and, frankly, so is she. Then it gets bad. She starts to lose the ability to type and comprehend words. Words like "may" and "work". She forgets her ex-husbands name and where he works. I start thinking about getting her to the ER but she tells me that this has happened once before and it was ruled a migraine after a trip to the ER and a complete workup by a neurologist. At some point her fingers and toes begin to go numb and she starts slurring her words.
This is scary. She insisted that this was a migraine and, it seems, all the 'literature' (spelled G-O-O-G-L-E) seemed to agree. Then as quick as it came, it was gone. Within an hour everything was back to normal except she was having a little trouble getting words out quickly. Today, no effects whatsoever. I made her get an appointment with her doctor and he decided to send her to a neurologist. This, of course, has her somewhat upset with me because she doesn't want to go through all of this again.
Two things about this story stuck out to me. The first is how ignorant people can be of their own health. I've known for a long time that "healthy" people underestimate their risk for disease. I also know that the definition of a healthy person is one who hasn't had a thorough medical workup. What really got me was her lack of fear and panic about her situation. The other thing that got me was my fear and panic about the situation.
I wasn't afraid for her, I was just afraid. It was the same feelings and emotions I have when I'm having a "crisis" but it wasn't me and it wasn't about me. It had me using my same old tricks. Telling myself that I could just as easily get hit by a bus as get sick. Meditating. Do things to distract myself. Using all the little tricks the therapist taught me.
But this wasn't about me. It was about her.
I don't know what this means. Maybe I was scared for her and it was just how I dealt with it. Make it about me. To some extent I think I scared her into going to the doctor and, frankly, that's unfair. She wasn't scared until I scared her. I'm afraid of putting her through the same things I put my wife through. To a large extent I'm "better". But "better" is not cured. There is always the chance for a melt-down and I'm afraid to have that happen.
The Crash:
I wrecked my bike. Again. This time I don't even have a cool story. I was alone in a parking lot on a perfectly sunny day with no cars or obstructions. And I fell. I am a dork. Road rash sucks. The wound itself doesn't suck but it makes your life suck. Showers, clothes, sleeping, standing up, sitting down, everything hurts. I'm healing well but it still hurts.
So there you have it. The last few weeks of my life. I'll check back in soon. Thanks for the comments recently. I really appreciate them.
A lots has happened since I've wrotten last. Where to begin...
The Doctor Visit:
So there I was... Actually it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I started stressing about it on Friday (the appointment was on Tuesday) but then quickly let it drop. When I got there I was nervous but manageable. When he started to take my BP of course I freaked out. He says, "lets just sit here for a minute. So I did. When he took it again he said, "That's what I thought...". So, of course, I say "um...what does that mean? What was it?". To which he responds, "The first time I took it you looked like you'd seen a ghost." To which I responded, "I did and the ghost is that thing you put on my arm". He didn't find it funny.
My Butt Aneurysm:
This is a short one. I'm on my way somewhere in my car and suddenly I realize that my butt (actually my butt-back connector, you might call it a "hip") was starting to go numb. Not numb so much but almost like it was tingling. I started to freak a little bit. Then it started to feel more like a vibration. It was my cell phone...
The Migraine:
This one's a little more serious. My "friend" is a rather fit 33 year old woman. She works out daily with a trainer and could outrun me with one leg tied behind her back. But, after one of her workouts she made a comment that one of her ears was clogged up and she chocked it up to her "blood pressure being high from the workout". This is of course junk science but, god bless her, she's trying. How ever, the mere mention of the words blood pressure is enough to get me a little panicky. Then she sends me an IM about 5 minutes later saying that she's seeing spots. Like a large red pulsating blob in the middle of her vision in both eyes.
I'm starting to freak a bit more and, frankly, so is she. Then it gets bad. She starts to lose the ability to type and comprehend words. Words like "may" and "work". She forgets her ex-husbands name and where he works. I start thinking about getting her to the ER but she tells me that this has happened once before and it was ruled a migraine after a trip to the ER and a complete workup by a neurologist. At some point her fingers and toes begin to go numb and she starts slurring her words.
This is scary. She insisted that this was a migraine and, it seems, all the 'literature' (spelled G-O-O-G-L-E) seemed to agree. Then as quick as it came, it was gone. Within an hour everything was back to normal except she was having a little trouble getting words out quickly. Today, no effects whatsoever. I made her get an appointment with her doctor and he decided to send her to a neurologist. This, of course, has her somewhat upset with me because she doesn't want to go through all of this again.
Two things about this story stuck out to me. The first is how ignorant people can be of their own health. I've known for a long time that "healthy" people underestimate their risk for disease. I also know that the definition of a healthy person is one who hasn't had a thorough medical workup. What really got me was her lack of fear and panic about her situation. The other thing that got me was my fear and panic about the situation.
I wasn't afraid for her, I was just afraid. It was the same feelings and emotions I have when I'm having a "crisis" but it wasn't me and it wasn't about me. It had me using my same old tricks. Telling myself that I could just as easily get hit by a bus as get sick. Meditating. Do things to distract myself. Using all the little tricks the therapist taught me.
But this wasn't about me. It was about her.
I don't know what this means. Maybe I was scared for her and it was just how I dealt with it. Make it about me. To some extent I think I scared her into going to the doctor and, frankly, that's unfair. She wasn't scared until I scared her. I'm afraid of putting her through the same things I put my wife through. To a large extent I'm "better". But "better" is not cured. There is always the chance for a melt-down and I'm afraid to have that happen.
The Crash:
I wrecked my bike. Again. This time I don't even have a cool story. I was alone in a parking lot on a perfectly sunny day with no cars or obstructions. And I fell. I am a dork. Road rash sucks. The wound itself doesn't suck but it makes your life suck. Showers, clothes, sleeping, standing up, sitting down, everything hurts. I'm healing well but it still hurts.
So there you have it. The last few weeks of my life. I'll check back in soon. Thanks for the comments recently. I really appreciate them.
